067 - A Wanksgiving Prayer
Giving thanks between cranks for stuffed turkeys and choked chickens
Dear Lord, thank you for the blessings you have bestowed upon us on this day and every day.
We gather in your Spirit to celebrate your goodness, your gifts, and your abundant provision so graciously made freely available on your age-restricted websites, whose explicit content we are most grateful to be 18 or older to view.
We pause to praise you and your bounty of busty, blond bombshells; your plentitude of depraved, petite housewives; your cornucopia of curvy, innocent Latinas; your harvest of hairy, Czech grannies. May our celebration be pleasing to you just as your eager Asian schoolgirls are pleasing to us.
Studly God, thank you for inviting your best friend’s hot mom to tease us with her bubble butt in tight gym shorts.
Horny Redeemer, thank you for your cuckold roommates’ goth girlfriends who can’t resist commenting on our noticeable bulge.
O, heavenly Stepfather, thank you for accidentally mistaking your stepdaughter for your wife. We’re grateful for your wisdom that reaches higher than the heavens and stretches far beyond our understanding of how such an accident could ever happen.
Forgive us when we don’t thank you enough for dominant MILFs, for disobedient teens, for tattooed nurses, for submissive maids, for big natural boss babes begging for BBC gangbangs. Only through your mercy, only by your grace, is it possible for all of their holes to be plugged.
Perverted Lord, help us to keep thankful hearts beyond this day of giving cranks and spanks to our respective hogs and monkeys, to remember your goodness in every extreme bondage scene and every bukkake compilation, to cherish your lesbian sluts going crazy in this insane three-way orgy.
May our lives be living prayers of gratitude to you, on this Wanksgiving Day and always.
Amen.
- Robert Francis Kennedy, Jr.